In-Laws Behavior - From Jan 2, 2009

Pre-Christmas Entry

I know that if anyone in my family reads this the defecation will impact on the Rotary Oscillator. But they had best realize that this irritates my wife, whose family this is, even more than it does me, she even has approval rights to this entry in my blog (only fair since she will catch just as much for this as I will).

Let's start with Mother-In-Laws, mine can be a real pip at times. What makes it okay for her to play obvious favorites and then get upset when the children are not that loving to her? Case in point, we live in another state from our families, close enough to visit, far enough to warrant a call before they come over or we go there. We chose to live there for several reasons:

1) We liked the school district, rated as one of the better ones.
2) We liked the area as far as neighborhoods, tax rates, and services.
3) I was far enough away from my wife's family that she didn't have to worry about interference in our marriage.
4) I was far enough from my family, because I have a sibling that can be a PITA..

Number three we had seen happen to many times with her siblings, and number four, well we have come to terms with that family member after a couple of major family arguments that had to be refereed by my father who put the foot down on both of us. Now we have an understanding which we both believe will work allowing continued peace and harmony…..for a while at least.

The problem that arose from us living away is this, even though we hear every year at Christmas how money is tight (isn't it tight for everyone), the grandkids that live within her grasp get treated like kings and queens and my children, well they get a few things but nowhere near as much. Now let the screams of denial start. To illustrate my point, last year we couldn't be there for Christmas Day (illness), so we went a couple of days later, Mommie Dearest went out and bought another present for a grandchild that lives with her (will get to that part later) so that "He wouldn't feel left out", the kid was 8 years old, old enough to understand (I know my son is) that you don't get a present every time someone else does. And before anyone says that I am imagining things, why then did my oldest ask me when she was five years old "Why doesn't Grandma love me as much as the rest?" (In tears after a typical Christmas at Grandma's house) All of the kids at one point or another has asked this. We tried covering at first but like bulldogs in a fight, they wouldn't let go, so we would say she did, just had a different way of showing it. As my oldest got older, she started to understand the situation and helped the younger two by telling the truth that we tried to shield them from.

(This next part is what my wife and I have discussed and come to realize over the years)

Basically, our children are being punished because their mother chose not to move back under her mother's control. Thus, preventing her from interfering and running her life. While she claim's to treat all the grandchildren equally, the two sets of grandchildren that are treated as lesser are the ones belonging to my wife and her oldest sister. Both children are not under the control of their mother (also the only children whose marriages have not ended in divorce. And both have been married 17+ years – 20+ for the older sister). Which led to another observation that was made, the in-laws (in this case the spouses that married into her family) are outlaws and never truly a member of the family. And God forbid you are strong willed and disagree with her, she is butting in. We saw this when we were constantly being called by one sibling or another, or their spouses grousing about this behavior going on. And one by one they all divorced because there were too many people in the marriage.

Now the kicker, which has my wife deciding whether or not we are going there for Christmas. I recently was diagnosed with Diabetes (Type II – Non Insulin Dependent), yes, my exercise level right now is low, I am overweight, and my dietary habits until recently have been bad. When questioned at my daughter's birthday party as to why I wasn't having cake, we told them. My Father-in-Law showed support, my sister first said she figured as much but that I could reverse it through diet and exercise, but my charming mother-in-law just said "I'm not surprised". Gee, real supportive person isn't she. But then, I am only an outlaw. That plus another reason, which I will discuss next is why we may not be present for Christmas.

Next, let's talk about in-laws and spoiled children. Most of the grandchildren are spoiled to some degree (even mine by my side of the family – but they also know and admit to it). But some not as bad (my one brother-in-laws son) because their parent/parents also teach them respect. In this case the worst is my sister-in-laws son. She and my nephew live with grandma because she cannot afford to live on her own, let's not mention that I had a job lined up for her with my company that would have paid 36K a year plus overtime – her excuse, she would have had to move, which I find interesting since one of the people she would have worked with lived about 10 minutes from her and commuted the distance – about one hour, but you see, she didn't want to give up the free room and board. It was either that, or as my wife put it, "Mom talked her out of it because she did not want to lose control." Now I don't know whether it is because she is a single parent, because she just doesn't know how to say no, or because she feels guilty for abandoning her daughter with the girls paternal grandparents - and if I hear one more time "they tricked me into giving them custody" when she told us weeks before that, that she was doing it for insurance reasons and because her and her husband were not ready to be parents, I will puke, she hasn't even tried to get a set visitation schedule. Her daughter has some emotional and developmental issues, the first probably cause by the abandonment and the second I believe is the cause for the abandonment. But for whatever reason she buys the kid anything she wants, and the kids it a brat about it, he always brags what he has, and will only let certain people play with things, even if he isn't (or hasn't in recent memory) used them. Not to mention, my oldest two have recently informed me that he has been bullying my son. Now my son has some issues, ADHD for one, and he is an extremely sweet and sensitive child, so this bullying hurts him deeply. But god forbid you tell anyone this, we have once we found out, we are mistaken. Well, my daughters have decided how they will handle him and they are doing this with my permission, if he starts bragging, my younger daughter is going to bluntly say, you have toys, we have a Daddy who loves us. (His father has only seen him once and never tried to again) Brutal yes, but so is the pain he is causing their brother. And if he starts bullying, my oldest is going to drag him to the nearest relative (and she is big enough and tough enough to do it) and rat him out. Neither is very PC but PC is not an issue anymore. Although I have not asked how physical she plans to get, hopefully no bloodshed.

Finally, my mother-in-laws comments about my children, this angers me more than anything else. My children aren't perfect, but they are good kids, they all get good grades in school (my oldest is about a 3.4 as a freshmen in HS with 3 honors classes, the middle child is an honor student in 6th grade, and my youngest, even with his problems is learning and progressing at the grade level he is supposed to be at for his age), the oldest two are athletes, my oldest soccer and softball, her sister, soccer (looking for a sport faster than softball that doesn't interfere with soccer), my oldest is also a Venture scout, her sister in Junior Optimist's and on Safety patrol, they both play music, oldest the flute, her sister the clarinet. My son is into Cub Scouts and video games, he is a Webelos Scout and soon will have completed his Webelos badge, he earned his Whittling Chip card (allowing him to use a pocket knife) and he takes it seriously. All of my children are like by their teaches (except my eldest's biology teacher and she doesn't know why-but that happens). On the other hand, they also have teachers who can't say enough good things about them. And finally, my oldest worked last fall as a referee, and is still trying to convince us to let her get a work permit to get a regular job, her sister wants to take babysitting classes so she can work as a babysitter. When my they helped my wife's work prepare for an executive visit, her boss had nothing but good things to say about them. That plus having friends, what more is there. Oh yea, they like to read too.

So lets see:
Good Students
Athletes
Into service groups (Boy Scouts, Ventures, Jr. Optimist's, and Safety Patrol)
Well like by friends, teachers and most family.
And motivated enough to want to get jobs.

But they are poorly raised, okay, so my older two do have two major flaws (at least in my wife's family), they speak their minds and you have to earn their respect (and just being older does not earn respect), they got those traits from me and I hope they never lose them.

For all of the people who criticize my family, at least we are teaching them the skills they will need to survive in today's world.

Ya'll have a nice day and a very


MERRY CHRISTMAS!

You can take Happy Holidays and shove it somewhere.

POST CHRISTMAS ENTRY

Unfortunately (in my opinion) we went for Christmas, things did not go to bad but I believe some subterfuge was involve. When we opened presents all the kids got the same amount basically. The brat had opened his presents from Mommy earlier and he got a ton of stuff. Now when we opened the family presents I saw nothing that I knew he was getting from his grandmother, this has just been confirmed for me by inside sources. He had gotten a ton of toys which he opened earlier in the day. Again showing favoritism and again upsetting my children because Grandma "Didn't have enough money for a lot of toys" but she had plenty for the brat. And about the brat on Christmas, he started bullying my son, and my daughter didn't rat him out, she just smacked him good (I normally don't condone violence, but sometimes you do what you gotta do). When he went to tell on her, the person he told asked him what he had done. I guess other parents are starting to catch on. And as for my mother-in-law, I will be civil, for my wife's sake. But not much more. I hope she realizes I did remember her birthday, I just chose to acknowledge it as much as she acknowledges birthdays around here, if I am not called, I will not remember.

Have a Happy New Year....